You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize