My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
