did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize