I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My penis needs a shock collar
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
