I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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