Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
