Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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