My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
