I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
