She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
