hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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