I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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