TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
