i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
