god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
