Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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