Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You made out with two different species that night
NoShamevember. You game?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
