addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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