i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
