He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
