she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
