my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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