Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
