This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
