I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
