We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
