I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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