Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
