Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So squirting runs in the family.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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