I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
babies were throwing up all over the place
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize