I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
