Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
