im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
