You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
