You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The air was thick with penises
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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