you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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