I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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