The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
