Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
its liver damage thursday
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
