College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i've created a new STD.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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