You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
