gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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