Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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