I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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