We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
