We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
