I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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