I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
