also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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