they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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