I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
BRING THE BAGELS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
