mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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