I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
