Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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