I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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